Un baile lúgubre con lo macabro en las catacumbas

Morrissey, Ian Curtis and Iggy Pop are my holy trinity. Bowie is my Pope. Lou Reed is the patriarch. Bob Dylan, John Lennon and Devendra Banhart are the cardinals. Joe Strummer, Stiv Bators, David Johansen and Johnny Thunders are the archbishops. The Crass discography (along with many other songs from other anarcho-punk and crust bands) make up my scripture. My apostles are: Johnny Marr, Richard Hell, Robert Smith, Ian McCulloch, Pete Shelley, Gordon Gano, Lux Interior, Dee Dee, Joey and Johnny Ramone, Glenn Danzig and Darby Crash. Siouxsie Sioux, Patti Smith, Gaye Advert, Lydia Lunch and Alice Glass are the nuns…and yes, as lame as it sounds, music is my religion/cult…hahaha…Fuck, I’m bored.

Sometimes when I go to Downtown or OB people think I’m a tourist. What the fuck!?! I’ve lived in East County all my life and I was born in San Diego…a lot of times someone just comes up to me and/or my group of friends and asks, “Where you from? You local(s)?”…to which the reply is always “El Cajon/East County”…and their response is always “Oh” and/or “There’s nothing to do over there, huh?”…ugh

Thanks to everybody that replied to my earlier post! It made me feel slightly better. I wasn’t expecting anyone to read it, I just needed to vent out some frustration. Again, thank you very much.

Everyone around me seems to be in a relationship except for me. All I want in my miserable life is a girlfriend. Frankly, I don’t care about fucking, I just want to have somebody to love and to feel loved: but that’s never gonna happen though, just look at me; I am one ugly ass motherfucker and I am too damn timid, I have a very low self-esteem, and I’ve got a lot of self-hatred. At this point in my life I feel like I am going to end up living and dying alone and if that’s what the future has in store for me, I really don’t see any point or meaning to life. I’m tired of being single and depressed all the time. I’m probably just gonna stop giving a damn and focus my time and energy on something that I can actually grasp and achieve realistically, because this whole “love” notion isn’t working, nor has it ever worked, for me. I also need to stop bitching.

Hey little vixen, with a devil inside, be my assisted suicide. C’mon little darling be the end of me. Lay my carcass down, let me R.I.P.

Is this déjà vu or is my life just really routine and predictable?

I wanna start a garage band similar to ? and the Mysterians, the Sonics and the Monks and also kinda like the Okmoniks and call it Bastard Messiah and the Holy Masochists. We’ll have a much darker undertone and have more rawness and angst. Fuck it, never mind, the Horrors already did that in their early stuff. Okay, I actually wanna have a sound heavily influenced by the Stooges more than anyone else. We’ll have no commercial success whatsoever, but have a strong and devoted cult following. We’ll also be overshadowed by a new wave of brash British bands. Afterwards I’ll start an aggressive anti-folk band called the Bloody Awful Poets and sing about lovelorn, angst and depression; kinda like what I’m doing right now, but better. I’ll also adopt a more repulsive in-your-face persona and call myself Oski Mierda. “Mierda” being Spanish for “shit” because that is what I am and that is how a lot of people treat me; like a piece of shit. That way I’ll embrace my Hispanic heritage and my state of shittiness.